BYE

No one love or even like to say good bye, right?
even it's for good sake, there'll always b a sad feeling even it's just a lil' bit.

That's happen to me.
hmmm..i "quit" from teaching my accounting students.
actually it's not the exact "quit".
but,..now i just can pray n hope for the best .

today's pic is a stack of pancake, with slices of mangoes and strawberries as the toppings.
mangoes n strawberries are sweet n sour fruits.
they're like my teaching experience, especially accounting.

sometimes it's so sweet,they r very friendly, we r just like friends, not teachers n students, often sour : n it's often tiring n made me gone mad.
but when it "comes" the time for me to "quit", it feels hurt inside, sad n hard to say good bye to my students.
many things happened in these four months , i taught them, from "zero" to something, from students become friends, n they r the first group of my accounting students!
even they often made me feel wanna shout, from now on, i'll really miss to teach them again in the class.

something i can't say in front of u with a smiling face , friends :
"Good Bye . n wish u all the best."

What's in My BRAIN

ok, tomorrow, i'll have aplikom mid term test..what's aplikom?
it's the short from aplikasi komputer.
i'm tired of study that, so here i am, stuck in front of the computer..
hahaha.

hmm..
i've words in my brain, (after last night had a talk with my bro, he's 6 years old younger than me, but his brain hmm..mature enough, n a smart thinker! hahaha..)
ok, back to the topic..
i've words in my brain, but i don't have the courage to spill it out to "that person".
i'm afraid of losing or ruin the "things" that i've now.
myb u get the point huh?
it's a little bit complicated.
at least, for me.



my advice : don't love a person who love another person.

the question

the question is.
what can make me feel fit, feel positive and feel like i can do n understand anything?
what?

Today?

Don't ask me about today..not that i'm not thx God for today..
But today i feel so tiredddd...feel so guilty ( don't ask me why ), busy, emotional..
everything..

why i always have problems with WEDNESDAY? i don't hate monday..
i don't hate wednesday too. but it's really..argggggghhhhh...
tired.

Myb i will quit in the next 4 months.
just wait for that time.
wish.me.strong.

Be Strong, Cynthia!!

about 1 to 4 hours ago, i thought about how lonely i am, how i wanna be loved, how desperate i am n how much i wanna go back to the past where i really thanked God for every things He did to my life, every second, minute , every dayy..

Life had been so tiring these days, because of many assignments , very long uni time, lots of boring n made me sleepy lectures, teaching every day, the feeling of being left behind by friends and him, n my fearness of getting farther n farther from God. i don't know how to go back to His arm.

i have my dinner tonight, a plate of rice, a spoon of yoghurt, plum choclate, white choclate, and 2 cups of jelly. ate a lot of foods , delicious foods, often redeem my stress. but, after i finished all the foods, i didn't feel any better.

what should i do?

then , i went upstair to my room, n read my friend's blog. there's a story , where i felt myself pathetic n must stand up again, n face the life without being lame.
B strong.

a sentence from her blog that made myself "wake up" :
"Tetapi, bukankah Aku pernah bersabda kepadamu untuk datang kepadaku semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat, karena Aku akan memberikan kelegaan kepadamu. Sebab kuk yang Kupasang itu enak dan beban-Ku pun ringan."

however. i afraid this feeling is just a feeling before pipp..
u know..like i wrote last month.

whatever. pray for me. please.

so PITY woman

i feel so tired and emo todayyy..,
my back feels so sick that i wanna shout at someone to jump on my back..
that's what women feel when they will have pipp..
in a month , women feel fit 7 days..feel tired 10 days..feel sick 7 days..
n feel like wanna cry or anything else for the rest 10 days..
include wanna punch their own face for any pimples that show up..
okay, that's a little bit hyper.

i'm having the section 2 now..n feel sooooooo ergggggggggggghh...
i got mad at everything, got tired to do anything , even groaning at very small things..
feels like an old woman...very very uncomfortable to do anything,,

now i realized, that my 2 previuos post were because of this pipp..
and i'm so exhausted today ( my back made me so) , and this make those previous feeling even worse..
i feel like wanna quit everything i do.
even quit chatting with him..(usually i also need extra patient if i wanna chat with him, but today i don't have those extra patient n energy..so i also got angry with him. so nice.)
thing that i always enjoy if i'm not this sick..
everything made me very impatient today..
then i think it's a must for me to end the day now, and go get as much sleep as i can, so that no more victim killed by myself.

today's quote
"Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts."
~ Unknown

my dream is..to be a great teacher. good teacher give inspiration not just lessons.
and become a success public accountant in big 4 public accounting office.
sometimes i think those dreams are "to high" for me.
but then i think.. dreaming is not a sin..
but we also need to act, not just talk and dreaming all the time..
pray for me. wish.me.strong

thx for reading fellas...
wish u have a very very good day, not a day like i had..

regards,
xoxo

DOUBTing myself

Sometimes we don't really know what we exactly doing..do u?
then, when we reach somewhere, we start to doubt ourselves.
am i really can do this? am i capable ebough? or this is juast a mistake?
and all i have done until know were only did by spirit, not by skill?
these happened, when we start to tired of many things, and this confusion n doubt come by themselves to our heart.

yeaa..sometimes this happened to my heart..and maybe now it's happening..
what exactly i'm doing? do i really love to do it? or i just do it by spirit and the love of money? (haha..)
then whatever it is, i've taken the decision to move on, to take the chance, to earn money by myself, to be more independent, if i'm really capable, i want to pay my uni fee by myself.

my weakness : very lazy to learn, not patient, n lazy to keep things that have been started.. if can change them little by little, i can do it! i can do it!

like this quote :

“You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”

Rabindranath Tagore quotes

it's true..we can't b smart, geniuos or whatever w/o doing anything!
then it's time to move on ! ciayo-ing myself! hahaha..

regards,
XOXO